Conversations with Caleb

Caleb, You always knew this, but since you graduated from this life, it has been made undeniable to me: People are good. So very good. When you were little, you were fascinated with “good guys” and “bad guys.” I remember sitting in the suburban with you at a gas station, while Dad was pumping gas, while you carefully watched every person who walked by. “Mom, are they a good guy or a bad guy?” How do you explain to a five-year-old that a stranger isn’t a bad guy just because we don’t know them? That most people are probably good — we just have to be wise and careful? I did my best. Not long after, the deeper realization hit me. The reason you needed to know wasn’t fear. It was possibility. Because if they weren’t bad guys… then they could be your friend. You believed you could be friends with anyone. And as you grew, I saw it more clearly. You looked past quirks,  awkwardness, and even past occasional meanness. You saw through to something deeper — something truer. You sa...

Caleb, Remember when you were trying to improve your cursive handwriting? Learning handwriting as a kid was hard for you. You didn’t exactly love it. But when you started learning cursive, something clicked. You worked at it because you liked how it looked, even though you felt like you never quite perfected it. Sometime during your teenage years—around fifteen, I think—you picked it up again. I wish I could remember exactly when, but I clearly remember this : you brought me a page you had written and asked what I thought. I remember looking at it and thinking two things at once: First— great job . I loved that you were working on your handwriting again. Second— those words . What made you write those words?  So I asked you. You told me they had just come to your mind while you were trying to think of something to write outside your handwriting workbook. You’d written them in a new sketchbook you planned to use for drawing in. I remember this now because—fast forward to a...