Conversations with Caleb

 Caleb, Just in time for Memorial Day, you have a headstone - and it looks so good! It sounds weird just to say that.  I never thought I’d have to plan a headstone for one of my kids. It’s one of those things people joke about when they’re young: “When I die, put {blank} on my headstone.” Like: “It’s dark down here.” Or: “No vacancy.” Or for you: “LET’S GOOOO!” Or: “As for me and my kingdom, we will serve TACOS.” But when it becomes real -  when you’re actually choosing the words that will be written in stone to memorialize someone you love while the earth keeps spinning around without them - suddenly it doesn’t feel like the place for wit. You only get a few words. A few lines to capture a life.   Sorry, buddy. We weren’t clever, and we definitely weren’t brief.  The words on your stone are the same ones we put on your funeral program. But they fit you perfectly: "In memory of every hug, high five, knuckle bump, handshake and smile he ever ga...

Hi Caleb, I don't think you're sad...but I am.  Sadness is an interesting emotion. I have experienced sadness throughout my life, but rarely have I chosen to live in sadness. I think I have long equated living in sadness with becoming a victim, and I have always wanted my life to stand for the opposite of victim hood - a life of creating, building, choosing, becoming. But lately I’ve been sad. Not just passing moments of sadness, but seasons of it. Sometimes I wake up and it is already sitting beside me. Sometimes it follows me through the day quietly, like a shadow I cannot outrun. And what has surprised me most is the fact that I am still creating. I still love people deeply. I still make meals, write words, grow things, solve problems, comfort others, laugh unexpectedly, make plans for tomorrow, and run my businesses. I still notice beauty. I still contribute. I still choose. I'm learning that sadness is not the same thing as defeat. Lately I've cried a lot o...