Conversations with Caleb

Caleb, Sometimes when we look at pictures of you, we say, “We can hear Caleb in that picture.” And it’s true. You were full of life, and your excitement often came bursting out in a loud whoop or holler. You celebrated your own wins, but just as often, you celebrated ours. And it was never forced. It was genuine joy. April has been a month that would have given you plenty of reasons to shout. 1. Easter! He is the Reason for the Season, and you had a great testimony of that. We visited your graveside and found a beautiful painting from our friend Rod.  It was such a meaningful surprise.  We enjoyed being together at the cemetery - crying and laughing about you, and finding joy in the knowledge that we're only separated for a short time.  You were there with us.  This time, though it wasn't a shout from you - just a warm feeling of love.   2. General Conference And as if that wasn’t great enough, some of your friends from Ft. Wingate stopped by our home on the...

Caleb, Your heart was special. You always knew how to love - fully, freely, and without hesitation.  And yet, your heart was also hurting in ways we couldn’t see. We treated symptoms, searched for answers, but nothing pointed us to what was really happening. The tests didn’t reveal it.  Not until the autopsy did we begin to understand the physical reality - that your heart had been struggling. You had cardiomyopathy connected to an ultra-rare genetic condition. It wasn’t only your heart; other vital organs were affected too. And still… you kept going. You were your same energetic self - working hard, chopping wood, serving, lifting others. The night before you passed, you received a blessing for intense back pain. Now we understand… it was likely your heart. Your dad and I decided early on that no matter what we learned, we would seek peace with your passing. But still, the questions come… What if we had known? Could we have helped you stay? Those questions  -  what ...

 Well Caleb, I thought I might check in and share a few thoughts. And, today is three months since you graduated, so it seems like a good time to put this out there.   Several weeks ago, Mom and I and Paige, Kylee and Eryn drove down to Brian Head for a ski trip. I have sometimes questioned how I'm processing your jumping the line and going to the Spirit World early, or, at least what seems early to us.  There are moments when I think I'm way to pragmatic about all this and moving on with mundane things and seeming almost unfeeling.  Honestly, I've felt a little guilty about that.   I had this thought the morning we drove down to Brian Head.  As we were driving, I had a mixed playlist going and a song I particularly enjoy came on called "Slow Down".  The performance was by an artist named Sissel with the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square.  Grandma, my Mom, loved this song as well. Here's the performance: https://youtu.be/EFe84U__kt8?si=n...