Dad's thoughts

 Well Caleb, I thought I might check in and share a few thoughts. And, today is three months since you graduated, so it seems like a good time to put this out there.

 

Several weeks ago, Mom and I and Paige, Kylee and Eryn drove down to Brian Head for a ski trip. I have sometimes questioned how I'm processing your jumping the line and going to the Spirit World early, or, at least what seems early to us.  There are moments when I think I'm way to pragmatic about all this and moving on with mundane things and seeming almost unfeeling.  Honestly, I've felt a little guilty about that. 

 I had this thought the morning we drove down to Brian Head.  As we were driving, I had a mixed playlist going and a song I particularly enjoy came on called "Slow Down".  The performance was by an artist named Sissel with the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square.  Grandma, my Mom, loved this song as well. Here's the performance: https://youtu.be/EFe84U__kt8?si=nZCdyeWIAkfwvquE

At first, I wasn't keyed in on the song, but then it seemed to me that I heard Grandma's voice take over and sing the song.  It was like hearing her sing in her prime before her fight with cancer left her voice, or maybe, her confidence in her voice shaken and weakened. Oh, how beautiful it was and the plumbing behind my eye balls ruptured and I sprung a leak.  

You might be saying something like, "Well Dad, that's no surprise, you were always a bit weepy, what does this have to do with me?" Okay, that's fair, let me tell you.  As the song concluded, I had an image in my minds eye come up of you, Grandma, Grandpa, Meme, Uncle Chris and so many others gathered in joyful exuberance.  When I was a kid, illustrations by Norman Rockwell were very popular.  As the image of you and our loved ones in the spirit world came into my mind, it was like my childhood self looking and the idyllic images created by Norman Rockwell.  

 

 

I felt so grateful and reminded that all of these experiences, your mission, our supporting you on your mission, your passing and our figuring out mourning and living in our new reality are meant to ultimately be joyful! Thank you for being joyful.  I love you my boy!